Failure To Thrive... What is a Leaky Gut?

I promise that at some point this thread will end. You are a good friend for hanging in there. If I tried to put it all in one post it would look like a Russian novel. Looooonnnnngggggggg, in case you were a Science major. We left off at our first doctor visit and are gearing up for the follow up. In my trusty diaper bag was the measurement card from what I will now call “the doctor visit that made me feel like puking.” It is a technical label, what can I say. Our little baby was in the 0.02 percent for weight. You read that right. Not even one whopping percent. She weighed it at 10 pounds and she was 6 months old. We are a petite family so this was not a total shock. What did shock me was that after the addition of the probiotics and the multivitamins, the baby dropped to 9.6 pounds. In two weeks. When you are already a runt and you are that young, losing that many ounces is dramatic.

During this visit I was told to quit breastfeeding. What? Excuse me? I wish I would have fought this more, but when your baby is withering away, congested 24/7, not sleeping at night, clingy, and absolutely adorable you do not always have the mental capacity to think everything through. My brain was in panic mode so I just agreed. I was told to try a goat milk formula as that may be easier for her to digest. Again, why? I had to go home and research like a crazy person. Which at this point I pretty much was.

The stool kit that would have indicated bacteria and maybe candida, not sure, was a bust because we were given the wrong one. Instead of the small GI kit we were given a 4 container Stool Kit that I am not sure even the Jolly Green Giant could have filled in two weeks time. You can imagine my joy (bitter sarcasm) to find out that not only would we not have this answer to the puzzle of why my little girl was not thriving, but also that I had been scraping diapers and filling my fridge with feces all for nothing.

Doctors are not God and they do not know what is going on with each patient the second he walks in the exam room. Although I felt that this particular doctor did not get a gold star in keeping me in the loop of her mental process, I also know that she might have been trying to go for obvious options like a weak gut or poor milk supply before jumping into things more serious, if you will. So my emotional meltdown that ensued after this visit was more to the "unknown" than it was this doctor per se. We had just moved a few months before this visit halfway across the country. I had no babysitters for my other children and I didn’t want to impose three kids on any of my new friends. I mean, my kids are cool and all, but plus three is not the same level of favor as hey can I borrow some sugar. So I had all four kids with me. And I lost it. It took every.ounce.of.willpower to make it to the car without dropping and sobbing. Partly I was just an emotional wreck after taking care of a newborn, three other kids, moving, cooking, cleaning, smatterings of homeschooling, and whatever else I do each day. But the fact that I had to stop nursing was brutal. I did not nurse my first daughter because it was too hard for me, but I did nurse the next three. It was not a breastfeed or bust issue, but more that I felt like I had failed my daughter. When you are living in crisis mode that part of your brain called logic goes on vacation. Regardless of whether it was true or not, I felt like I had let her down. Like I was not eating the right foods. Or drinking enough water. Or drinking too much coffee. Not producing enough for her to survive. I mentally flogged myself over and over again wondering what it could be about my milk that caused this. That feeling you get when you have balled your eyes out and are so empty, exhausted that you just want to sleep forever— that is what it was like. Only I still had to move on for my family. And I had a lot of research to do to try and figure out what could be going on. Maybe I am just too Type A. Is that a thing? But I wanted the doctor to explain to me the WHY of her choices. Give a dog a bone, ya know. It took all of my super powers to stay off the internet. I told myself: Self, only research what you know. Do not go to the darkside and explore endless possibilities. So I research failure to thrive because it was the closest thing to what was happening with her. Personally I think that label is code for We have no real clue, but whatever. I researched goat milk formula and found great, reassuring information about it from books like THIS and the Weston A. Price Foundation HERE. I will admit that this took my hippie organic nerd mom status to a whole new level. But I was okay with that. To sum things up, at this point in our journey we knew she was clingy, listless, covered in weepy eczema, shrinking, not sleeping through the night like she had been, and did not seem to being absorbing the nutrients she needed through my milk or was just not getting enough. I was cooking meals with a baby on my hip, exhausted, and desperate for answers. When we left we were told to stop breastfeeding and try a goat milk formula (it is more than just plain goat milk), use coconut oil on her skin, and continue the probiotic and multivitamin. Klaire Labs powdered and FloraDix were the types suggested for us. But then no follow up visit was scheduled. Hmmmmmm. Although this doctor was great in many ways, the overall experience was less than stellar. When you are in a situation like this you need someone supportive. I omitted a lot of the tacky comments she made because they will not help you. But if you are in a similar situation with your child, I encourage you to find a doctor that actually helps you and makes you feel like you are in this together. When we finally found that doctor, it was amazing. I will also encourage you with this: God create us a lot tougher than we think. He gave me extra energy, understanding children, lifted me up and walked me through some hard nights. More on this later, but I clung to the promises of the Bible like I never have before. God was my refuge. My rock. Without Him I would have probably would have robbed a bakery. I will also encourage you that God made babies tougher than we think. My little thing is a fighter. She is a tough cookie. Hang in there.

Failure to Thrive... Questions Questions and shocker more questions

It was finally time for the baby’s regular six month check up. I had a few questions but was expecting the typical everything is fine kind of visit. You can insert laughter here.

When the baby was born we were told she had hemangioma but that to be sure we should have a pediatric dermatologist take a look when she was a little older. It is an excess of red blood cells under the skin that typically fades out by kindergarten time. Anyway, I asked about that and about her skin and was ready to be on my way. The doctor had some more concerns. What did she weigh when she was born? How long have her cheeks been like this? Are you breastfeeding? Did you notice one cheek is more swollen than the other? When did this congestion start? Can you see my mind spinning right about now?

In this moment I was doing my best not to freak out. She goes on to say that my baby is severely malnourished. This is where my heart hit the floor. Or ceiling. Or just exploded. I was breastfeeding her and was careful to eat well so that she would get good vitamins and nutrients and all that stuff. We eat all organic and pretty paleo and grass fed. It is not like I was scarfing down twinkies and chasing them with beer. So this was a punch to my gut, logical or not. I felt like a failure. I know it is not my fault, but emotions do not ask permission to make sense. So in the midst of all this I also had to keep telling myself not to feel guilty. But oh did I! So at this point she says the baby likely has a stomach bug or intestinal parasite that is preventing her sweet little body from absorbing anything. She told us to add a probiotic to a little milk and start giving she and I a multivitamin. We were also to collect a sample of stool (the baby’s not mine thankfully ha) to test it for yeast or bacteria or something. My head was reeling so the details are not clear. We were to come back in two weeks for a weight check and follow up. What I thought was going to be a regular visit with a few skin questions turned into more and more questions. What was wrong with her? How did she get this parasite, if that is indeed the problem? How long will this last? Is my milk supply the problem? Is my milk somehow not good quality? Am I eating something she is not reacting well to? How did I not notice this? Overall I felt better after this appointment set in. Yes, I had many questions spinning around, but I thought we also had some simple solutions. Take a vitamin and give her one. Take a probiotic and also give her one. Collect some poop. In two weeks we will be back and I am sure we will see improvements. Keep your game face on for your other children. Pray to God and ask Him for calm. Go about your life. So much easier said than done, right? Read Part 3 for the next doctor visit

Failure to Thrive... Signs Unnoticed

Once upon a time I had a baby and she was doing great. Growing. Nursing. Pooping. Ya know, all the normal baby activities. Around 8 weeks she was sleeping 12 hours at night. Life was settling back to normal, whatever normal with four kids is. I am writing this through the lens of hindsight. I wish I had chronicled everything as it was happening but for a while I didn’t know anything was happening and then I was too busy, stressed, did I say busy?– to deal with it. Our first red flag was her sleeping. Somewhere around four to five months she started waking up at night to eat. Although none of our other kids did this, we chalked it up to a growth spurt. We figured she would eat a little more and get back to her regular 12 hours after a little bit. Our second red flag was her skin. Again, around that five month mark her cheeks started showing some red, dry patches. It was winter, windy and unseasonable cold for Texas. So honestly, I thought it was more weather related than health related at this point.

By five months people started asking us questions. Why is she so small? My response: her sister was really small too. She’ll catch up. What is wrong with her cheeks? Oh, she has eczema. I am sure it will clear up soon. Every.single.person. We had an appointment coming up a month later, so I figured I could ask about her cheeks then. Nothing else seemed that alarming at this point. The closer we got to the appointment the more signs her health was off began to surface. Her cheeks went from slightly red and patchy to bright red, crusty, and then also oozy in places. It was not glorious to say the least. Her weight stayed the same. She was five months but wearing newborn to 0-3 month size. And then the clingy phase began. She has always been sweet and happy, but she started to only want me to hold her. If I held her she was calm, but with anyone else she cried.

If you have other children you know that when one kid gets sick, you tend to pass the germ to the whole.entire.family. So when the baby had some congestion and a little cough a few days before this first pediatrician’s appointment, I thought it was just her turn at bat. In hindsight these were all clues to her health issues. But spread out over several months, none of them seemed to indicate anything was wrong. Until the doctor visit. But I cannot beat myself up for what I simply did not know. I was doing all I could to take care of my baby. You just move forward.

Dairy Free Smoothie

My husband's side of the family has issues with dairy. They like it and all, but maybe the feelings are not totally reciprocated? So two of my daughter's also have to avoid dairy. However, little R would swim in a vat of yogurt and be happy to eat her way out. Which would be great. Except I am not a fan of green diarrhea. And stomach aches. And otherwise unpleasant aspects of milk intolerance and or dairy allergies. Call me crazy.

I ordered a box of fresh Washington apples from Azure Standard and had plans to make homemade applesauce to add to these adorable pouches. I have seen too many friends post moldy food images from the store bought kind. And with food allergies in the fam, I do not want to risk contamination. Epi pens are not style. Just saying. I found these on Amazon and they are easy to fill, clean, and of course my girls love the fun designs. There are plenty of options out there.

This is the smoothie esque ish recipe I came up with. I know, it is nothing magical. But it was magically delicious. No offense to that little leprechaun. P.S. I got the berries from Azure or pretty cheap organic but you can find them at the grocery store, too.

Book Club The Best Yes

My neighborhood is quickly filling up. I am so excited. It was a bit lonely being the ONLY family for a while. Now that there actual people out here in WAY North Texas, I decided to host a book club. I guess it is a book club meets Bible study hybrid. Lisa Terkeurst has that perfect mix of Jesus rockstar and sarcasm. And she is also encouraging. Gotta love that trifecta. Looking forward to curling up with this book tonight and getting started.